A tiny translucent snail prodded the quince blossoms. I weighed my love for those peachy profiterole shaped flowers and for nature as a whole. It wasn’t my garden. If it was, the darling snail would be toast. I left him alone, leaving the job of snail expulsion to this garden’s owner.
I’ve been trying to take a respite from work. I finished my Flora Forager books a couple weeks ago and since then I’ve been trying to not take any commissions, not get caught up in sales performance, and stop looking at flowers as potential profit. I’ve been doing things like baking bread, taking my kids to the beach, and taking more walks through the neighborhood. I love smelling the fresh budding magnolias and cherry trees, talking to my dog as he makes odd little discoveries, and leaving my brain open for what thoughts may come.
I often weigh the Now with the Eternal. Living in the present, cherishing and enjoying my current circumstances, against my innate desire to put a positive, beautiful stamp on this world for generations to come. Which is more soul fulfilling?
A woman I know once said even though she hated being a mom, she felt like she was doing God’s work and therefore it was eternal and good. The whole jewels in your heavenly crown concept. I found that fascinating. I LOVE being a mom, and therefore often feel guilty for enjoying it so much, and feel like I ought to do something more productive with my life than watching wolf documentaries with Oliver, hatching dragon eggs with Harry on my phone, and playing Zelda with Finn. (Ok…maybe my guilt has more to do with their screen time) But still. Why are we so pulled to make ourselves do things we think we SHOULD do instead of living into the things we were meant for?
Why do I wonder at my purpose at all? Sometimes I wish I had less internal thought. It’s exhausting being philosophical.
I always come back to the balance. The “middle path” as they say in Buddhism. When I came home from my walk I noticed a big snail making his way into my primroses. I picked him up and broke his shell between my fingers without a second thought.