The big white magnolia across the street is dropping petals. They’re strewn about our street as cars whiz past. I imagine we live on a rushing river, and the petals are floating by.
Beau and I have been making Japan plans all morning. I just found out you can go to a cafe in the Harajuku district that has a bunch of owls you can pet and play with. The website is all in Japanese, but Beau has been learning the language so hopefully we’ll get a reservation. Suddenly the hope of owls has been added to bamboo forests and geishas. We’re about to be spirited away to a magical world.
I’m getting my hair done this week with COLOR. A garden inspired hair print done by How To Hair Girl. Aqua, pink, purple, peach…I’ll fit right in in the harajuku district. Or the circus…
Beau is not excited. But I am. I’ve always wanted to be a my little pony.
My anxiety has been pretty high lately. It has been debilitating some days, other days just an edge. Choosing which opportunities to take with Flora Forager has been wrenching for me. I turned down a large soft drink company this week. I just didn’t feel right about promoting what my friend Juliana calls “diabetes in a can.” I may do an exhibition in Paris in the fall with a perfume brand, though. But there’s negotiations to be made for that as well. Everything in business is like a dance I don’t know the steps to. I feel like I have two left feet while everyone else seems to have the rhythm down. And I’m not sure I don’t just want to be a wall flower. It’s taking its toll.
My work was on the April subscription cover Country Living Magazine. I’ve been a huge fan of their magazine for forever! And there’s an article about me in Flower Magazine. These are exciting, thrilling, pinch-me things. But still a little nerve wracking for someone with social anxiety. Even good things can be a little daunting. It’s not that I’m not grateful or that I don’t want these things, it’s that all the excitement means chest pain and nerves a few days later. I worry what people think, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over that.
Remember how I have three kids, too? I can’t believe that used to be my only worry. Because it was worry enough to send me into a tizzy and need help. It took me a long time to pick Finn up at school without feeling worried about talking to people. Here I am taking on ten times as much. Luckily I have Beau, and the boys are getting older. I’m handling things as they come in life, and they seem to happen at the right times.
My boys are my sun and moon and stars. Finn is golden, Oliver is swarthy, and Harry has a twinkle in his eye. Life with them is like a constant carousel ride, with all the swirling sparkles and lights, and “oh my god am I going to fall off??” moments.
I’m working on a children’s book that I’m very excited about. Different from my journal coming out in August (equally exciting). It’s my own idea, and I’m creating the images before I reach out to publishers. And I’m keeping it mostly secret. So I feel a special sort of warmth in creating things that are just for my eyes. No weird instagram comments, no editor, no boundaries. I’m just delighting in playing with flowers just for the sake of it. I’m sure it’ll all change when I do have a publisher, but for now it’s a beautiful outlet.
With everything blooming in Ravenna life feels pretty perfect. My usual route to the bakery through the woods is burgeoning with chartreuse buds over every scattered branch. There are little meadows in every yard, anemones, crocuses, daffodils, violets. Trailing vines of clematis, overflowing bushes with all manner of different camellias. And one of the streets is entirely lined with cherry blossom buds juuust about to open. It’s raining today but it has that warm, spring quality to it that makes you feel alive and cozy as apposed to dead and oppressed. I got some bright blue boots so I could feel like a blue footed booby, so rain is a little more exciting right now.
I’m really into a mix of chia seeds, toasted flax seeds, green juice, and coconut milk in the morning for breakfast. I’ve been eating really healthy lately. Salads, fish, pulses, whole grains. I feel amazing. I also eat a lot of chocolate.
My dog has one pink toe. Just one. He’s magic.
Our friends, the Campfields, are moving to Hawaii. I’m not going to lie, I’ve looked at real estate there a couple times.
When I was at the Korean Spa with Joey and Rachel last week I imagined we were in a cave when we were in the Jade room. And the heat was from a dragon or a volcano. And then I told them that. And they were like, yeah totally. I love my friends. When I was younger I was in a constantly streaming world of imagination. Now I just get glimpses every once in a while. I live for them.
The rain just stopped. And Beau is speaking Japanese to his computer. And Digory is asleep next to me on a big pink pillow. And a new book literally just came in the mail.