A journal entry from Friday.

I’m standing on the bridge watching maple pinwheels fall. (Helicopters didn’t exist when Anne did.) The sun is lighting them up.  One…two…and then the wind blows and hundreds detach from the branches and fall in nature’s confetti.

I’ve been thinking about the concept of being needed lately.  I want Beau to need me.  I am needed by the children for snacks and shoe tying yes – and that is all apart of nurturing.  But I mean- my beauty. My soul.

I have been struggling a great deal, for months and months really, with the idea of success. Art, my book…can I “make” it. As if my beauty is a business and if it isn’t wanted I am a failure.

Today as I stand on the bridge I am thinking of the books deemed successful. And the opposite rings true. I need Harry.  I need Anne.  I need middle earth and tea with Mr. Tumnus.

LM Montgomery had depression.  She may have even committed suicide.  Anne was her escape. The people who created these characters are almost irrelevant. Their success is not a factor that really truly matters.  My therapist said something a while ago that sticking out to me today.

“Think of all the children who need your book.”

And even deeper I am thinking of how much I have needed Flora. Perhaps I need her in the way sweet Lucy Maude needed her Anne.

5 thoughts on “A journal entry from Friday.

  1. Bridget, I think a lot of writers have depression. I know I do. The world needs you as much as your family needs you. The artist in us constantly seeks acceptance.as a form of love and validation of worth. You are worth so much. What you give the world every day is a wonderful gift. I look forward to seeing your posts. I enjoy, vicariously, the adventures your family has. So, keep it up, let us be a part of your adventure.

  2. Thank you for this post and your honesty. I think many people struggle with the idea of ‘success’ in today’s world, I know I do. It seems so easily attainable and if we haven’t achieved it then we feel we must be worthless. The truth is: success is superficial. Because your beauty in the world is needed, very much so. The world needs you Bridget Beth! You do have a unique place on this planet, that’s why you do what you do. Your art is unique to you and very special for everyone that is lucky enough to come across it. You will be a success the minute you believe you are. Keep putting yourself out there as you. People appreciate it more than you know. Hels

  3. The other night I was standing at the kitchen window, washing dishes, when I noticed two orange eyes looking in at me. It was a large brown moth flying to my window with eyes that reflected the light like fiery embers. I instantly thought, “Bridget would love this!” And then, “I bet she already knows about this kind of moth.”
    There is so much wonder and magic in this world and you play a part in helping us notice it. So I think we need you to be the noticer and appreciator and the sharer of wonderful things.

  4. What dear, sweet, lovely comments! Thank you, all of you for your thoughts and encouragement. I wasn’t seeking compliments, but I will take them!

    Amber: I want to know what kind of moth it was! “eyes that reflect the light like fiery embers.” It sounds more like a dark fairy in disguise!

  5. Your beauty, and your embrace of all the world’s beauty, is apparent to all. And so. so. needed. I know you make my life richer.

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