The glory of young men is their strength,
gray hair the splendor of the old.
I’ve been thinking a great deal about aging lately.
The way our society has put into our heads phrases like “She’s getting old” “Anti aging” “over the hill” “past her prime” etc. has been getting to me. To a girl who’s just exited her 20’s it’s annoying living in this glossy magazined, photoshopped, hollywood invaded, affairs during mid-life crisis’, instagram #selfie, western world. I just read this article about the female Oscar noms possibly all being over 40 and how there are people really upset about it. Who are these vile people who think aging women should step down. Outrage!
I treat myself the same way. I’m just as vapid as I always promised myself I’d never be.
I have been finding myself looking in the mirror and comparing myself to stars and younger looking faces. Zooey Deschanel and Natalie Portman are my usuals. They’re about my age, but clearly they have stylists and possible expensive work done or creams and meals and exercise and on and on and on that I shouldn’t even be holding my candle to.
The strange thing is I know I shouldn’t care and yet I STILL do it. Terrible thoughts creep in like, “no one will be interested in what I have to offer if I’m not young.” or “I’m not hip and cool any more.” or “I have jowels!”
Which is so stupid because 1. I LOVE women who are older than me, and am very interested in what they have to offer! 2. hip and cool has never actually been something I’ve strived for! and 3. Ok…actually I really don’t want jowels. But everyone gets them eventually! Why is this such a shock? Everyone ages! Why haven’t we learned to LOVE and be excited for our wrinkles and gray hair? literally everyone who is youthful will eventually be elderly. Why are we so focused back there on the beginning and not on our glorious silver futures???
And it has nothing to do with how Beau treats or views me, by the way. He says he wishes I could just get over it because I’m still the most beautiful girl he knows. It really is a self/society inflicted conundrum that has blindsided me.
Why am I so hard on myself? Why the pervading mantra of “Now it’s too late.”
I am desiring that break through where I sigh and settle into my flowering body and allow myself to experience change gracefully.
I have been watching the vlogs and interviews of model Cindy Joseph who is stunning in her 60’s, known for her beautiful silver hair and natural pro age make up line. I am ADORING her! She says our society tells us that youth=beauty, which is a complete lie. She says,
“I am not interested in looking younger. I want to look healthy and radiant. I want to look like me.”
My goal and hope is that I will be able to appreciate and live in THE NOW. I sometimes wish I could go back and appreciate my body when it was 40 lbs lighter, because at the time I ACTUALLY thought I was fat. Ha! I am trying to imagine myself 10 years from now, chiding myself for not appreciating myself NOW.
I want to focus on aging being beautiful. After all, we are all, every second and every breath…aging. It had better be beautiful!
I recently watched Ricky Gervais’ new show Derek. (There is a character with dirty sexual humor so if that bothers you don’t watch it), but the underlying theme of the show is that the elderly should be respected and kindness is magic. My heart! My friends and I (and even Beau) cried on the last episode.
What truly matters is GIVING. Our hearts, our service, our time. And aging is a physical manifestation of the same. We give our life a little every day. It should not be wasted, but sacrificed with beauty.
I want to rework all of these negative thoughts I have for myself into good. I’m going to be focusing on health, generosity, and kindness.
Today I had a yummy berry peach coconut smoothie for breakfast and am wearing less makeup proudly. I’m seeing the beauty in treating myself like a temple. It doesn’t matter what the outside looks like, it’s the inside that shines through.