Shadows and light.

“Someone told me once that all desire is the desire to be at one with God in substitute form. So perhaps we can draw attention not to the shadow on the wall, but the source of light itself.” ~Russell Brand

Do you ever feel like every buzzing fiber in the air around you holds some ring of meaning if you could only hear its pitch? I went on a walk yesterday, through crisp air and bright leaves and bundled passerby’s who kept their eyes to the ground.

I wanted to clear my head and focus on the cause of my continual fear. There is a fluidity to my musings until I am faced with some dreaded task which catapults me into the unknown. I wax terror and anxiety when I am meant to calmly rise up into the darkness, full of light.

I cannot be perfect, I cannot please everyone, I cannot navigate through the shadows of my own desire to make everything right.

Every conversation became a sage yesterday. Every small bird and leaf and shop display an omen. The synapses in my brain braided them together, searching for the pattern, the purpose, my own tiny salvation from my dread.

The final hope I was given came in a text message from a friend.

She said, “walking forward is a leap of faith and active warfare against fear, shame, diminishment. Every movement toward life and freedom is vehemently opposed by the enemy. YOU are the light of the world, dear saint. A city on a hill. May no darkness have power over you or extinguish the light only you can bear in this world. I am praying for your heart.”

Go forth today with the same knowledge. There is no darkness so great that a glimmer of light cannot be seen in the distance. One step forward, then another, and another, until one day these shadows shall dissipate and truth shall remain.

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