On Saturday Beau and I were lavished upon by our friends with a beautiful enchanted forest 30th birthday dinner party.
I was debating whether or not to talk about it online, but pics made it to Facebook so I’m going to do so. I just wanted to say up front that we have just as many loved and cherished friends not invited as invited. I hate leaving people out, in fact I’ve had so much anxiety about it I feel completely spent. I can literally think of 20 people who should have been there. But we just couldn’t have everyone. I ended up going 7 people over my limit, and ultimately the guest list was decided by all the hosts and we’ll just leave it at that.
I’ll have more pictures soon, but I wanted to say that my sweet Beau remains the soft part of my heart. At our party he led me out on the dance floor to the song we walked up the isle to ten years ago, we held hands as we blew out our candles, he gladly cleaned up hoards of moss and gold dipped feathers for me, and reminded me when I had spent 3 hours ruminating over the seating arrangement that “everything will be ok.” Story of these first 10 years: despite all my worrying, everything really has been ok.
Last week Beau’s mom found a journal Beau had when we were dating. She texted me a page from it. Oh sweet heaven, what a gift! In the midst of all my crazy party planning and people pleasing anxiety, a message was clear: Beau still loves me, and it was his plan to all along. Isn’t that enough? It is.
We’ve been married for the entirety of our 20’s. And we HAVE gone everywhere together. Not just to exotic locales, but through heartache and excitement. This was the first time we’d celebrated our birthdays together, but suddenly it made so much sense. We two, in the womb at the same time, destined to be splashed together to create a new color. I tend to try to be so independent, but I can just as easily stop breathing as separate my heart from Beau.
Last night he told me to tell him all of the things worrying me and causing me not to sleep and he would sort them out for me. (Honestly I think he just wants to help me so HE can sleep ;) But I did and he tried his best to help me see solutions. (The main one being that I need to have faith in my friends to trust that I am making the right decisions for myself and for us.)
I’m so incredibly and deliciously enchanted to have him by my side.