It is very grey here. In fact, we live in the grayest area in the united states. I wonder how we would compare to the rest of the planet. I would not be surprised if we ranked very high. I have seasonal depression. I wish it wasn’t so, and I feel guilty and embarrassed about it. What do I have to be sad about?
People are kind. They ask me if I take vitamin D, have a sun light, get out. Yes. But I spend many rainy days forlorn and wallowing. The other morning I woke up to darkness and drear and a voice inside me said very clearly,
“You must be your own light.”
I’ve been thinking about this quite often. It’s a theme I’m working with in my book. It’s also what I used to tell myself before going to school as a child. “Shine like the sun” I’d sing as I walked into a school with no friends. It made perfect sense when faced with adversity and struggle, but It hadn’t occurred to me until now that I still need to do this as an adult, for myself and for my children. Even when there isn’t really anything hindering me. The old irritating saying, “Rise and shine!” makes so much sense now that I’m looking at it through a different prism.
To fight this season’s darkness, I choose to be a light. A reflection of the creator’s brightness in a starless, sunless void. I have to remember that my children and everyone around me are experiencing the same darkness.
They need some light too.