Yesterday had me feeling melancholy for no good reason. I hate that. I call it “the mean reds” like Holly Golightly. I try to examine my emotions carefully and think of all the reasons to Pollyanna my way out of it, but that tends to make me feel even worse because then I feel ungrateful and guilty. Then I started to just go with it. if I’m unhappy I’ll just act unhappy. And let everything fall apart.
I said nothing as the boys took every single cushion and pillow in the house and put them behind the couch to create what Finn called Pillow World. I think they had the best time they’ve ever had together smothered under them all, digging little rat nests and making tunnels. (I wasn’t too depressed to tell them not to use my pillow, though!) When I told Finn to put all the pillows back he said, “then there will be no more wishes ever again.”
When the day was finally over I came to bed and told Beau, “I just can’t shake it! And I hate my round face.” He said he loved my face. And I started crying.
I am DETERMINED to shake it today. Even though the weather forecast says lightening. I am going to come back here with beautiful things to say. There WILL be more wishes. And the more wishes I make, the more beautiful my world will become. (that’s from The Never Ending Story in case you thought oh dear. Bridget’s gone off the deep end.)