I keep finding tiny blue feathers.

A billow of vapor plumed from a vent on a rooftop above.  The setting sun lit it up bright and golden.  “I’ve never seen anything like that!” I said.  I took out my camera to take a picture, but by the time I pulled it out…

the vapor had lifted.The last week has been a bit of hope deferred.  Hope is the thing with feathers, after all.   Promises of a birthday party in the summer, contractions that have gone nowhere, a boy who still can’t walk, and birds we couldn’t keep. 

On Wednesday we went to the surgeon to have Oliver’s wires taken out.  We were SO excited!  But the surgeon decided that he needed a couple more weeks with them in and downsized his cast to a half cast. That makes almost 5 months in a cast but for some reason just two more weeks made me cry. 

Oliver hasn’t been able to walk ever since.  He can sort of scoot crawl but his leg is sore and weak and he prefers to be helped whenever possible.  We’re looking forward to Monday when he gets everything taken out and off.  He’ll be in pain, but at least we can begin the process of rehabilitation.  We’ll be back to the brace at night…blah.  I gave up sleep a long time ago!Thursday was Finn’s 5th birthday and Sunday was Beau’s 29th.  We couldn’t have a party for Finn because the baby could come any day, so Beau and I made the day as special as possible.  We took him to Beauty and the Beast and Red Robin.

I realized for the first time that Beau means Beauty and Bridget means Strength.  I already knew what our names meant, but when you put them together…Beauty and the Beast!  But the analogy ends there….hopefully!

And…..Friday we got the birds, I had a horrifically severe allergic reaction to them, and Saturday Beau took them back.  But I have thought about them nonstop ever since.  I can’t believe how attached I got to those silly little things!  They really were the perfect pets for me.  I keep wanting to go back to get them and just suffer for their five year life span!  But that would be ridiculous.  Beau says that as soon as the baby comes I’ll forget all about them.  I do have the cutest 8×10 of them hanging in the kitchen now, though, so they might be hard to forget!

So now I guess I have to BE the birds instead of HAVING the birds.  Or maybe this baby will have blue eyes and red hair…like blue feathers and red cheeks!  It’s fun to imagine what might be inside this giant egg.

I’ve been contractiony and nauseated the last few days.  I always have back labor that starts with a low, deep pressure in my back.  Which feels pretty much how you’d expect to feel with a big huge baby belly.  I’m exhausted.  I’m glad we’ve had so much sun, parties and play and birds to distract, and the excitement of Lucy’s wedding!  The end of Oliver’s pregnancy was unbearable, but this one hasn’t been so bad.   I think I’m also little scared of what it’ll be like with Oliver’s foot so I’m not ready for the baby to hit just yet.  Good stress and bad stress are both good when you have to be patient!

I’m hoping that by the time spring comes all the hard stuff will have faded and dispersed like a dreamy fog and all that will remain will be nothing but golden light.

2 thoughts on “I keep finding tiny blue feathers.

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